if i don't say "bless you" i still love you ok

Some time ago I imparted on a mission to eradicate the custom of saying “bless you” after someone sneezes.

I decided to do this after the about 100th occasion where I had said “bless you” to a stranger on the street but I didn’t say it loud enough for them to hear me or they just didn’t hear but somehow some other stranger did hear and so now he knew I was a failure and it was kind of embarassing in that menial embarrassment way?  You know? Awkward?

And what about that weird cough that sounds like a sneeze or vice versa? Then you’re like “Was that a cough or a sneeze?” And if it was a cough you’re like “well fuck you why didn’t you cover your mouth?” If it’s a sneeze you’re like “bless you.” I mean, this is logical?

Whatever. The point is, saying bless you has to be the most pointless thing we as a society still blindly do. There is no purpose for it anymore. I know it started as a thing people said back when we didn’t have such advanced knowledge of diseases and curing them and basically when you sneezed it meant you were going to die. That’s my understanding of it. So then, since they also lacked advanced knowledge of things that are true, they’d say bless you when you sneezed because they figured maybe God will save you if you got enough random blessings. Something like that.

And think about it, when someone sneezes, you instinctively say or want to say “bless you,” without even thinking. What are you, a Pavlov dog? Come on. What kind of conditioning bullshit is this. You’re doing something just because someone told you, “Oh yeah, and whenever someone sneezes you should say bless you.”  Why? “Because it’s the polite thing to do.” Why is it polite? This is fuckin’ random, but whatever I’ll do it.

And you do it. But I will no longer do it. Because it means nothing and also probably because I’m an asshole, but I think I’m right here.

Lately everyone I  meet seems to be an extreme caricature. Like TV characters on sitcoms. I don’t know if it’s the environments I’m a part of now, or if I’ve become more sensitive to personalities, but I’ve never been around so many real, true characters.

Some of them:

Girl with pink streaks in her hair, whose first conversation with me was about the time she was hospitalized in a psych ward. Also how she has borderline personality disorder. One of the first things I overheard her say was “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had anything in my vagina.” I asked to be her friend. She said she doesn’t have any and accepted my request.

Bitchy gay guy who’s brutally honest. BRUTALLY. And will always look at you like your existence offends him. I love him.

Girl who didn’t know tramp stamps were called tramp stamps. She disapproved of my sleep schedule and scolded me. This was after knowing her for about 30 seconds.

Girl who is the personality doppelganger of Cher from Clueless.

Older, gruff father-figure type who will give it to you straight and call you out on your BS. And also makes a lot of nonsensical metaphors, and loves shake shack. LOVES.

Boy who believes in love. I love him.